Not Lucky...Just Blessed

This will be the hardest post I've ever written.  I am, by nature, a private person.  I LOVE to talk and gab with the girls, but when it comes to sharing personal things it is a bit harder for me.  I have to work on letting people see the vulnerable side of me. 

Andy and I were married in 2004 and it was several years before I had the desire to have children.  But, when the desire came it was consuming.  I wanted to become a mother and I think that God lets us have those feelings.  It's the way he intended for it to be.  We tried for about 8 or 9 months before I ever saw my doctor.  He referred me to the infertility department because of some problems I was experiencing.  The day we met with the infertility nurse was one of the toughest days I've ever experienced.  Every fear and insecurity I had was confirmed.  The chances of you getting pregnant on your own are very slim.  It could take a while for it to happen.  You could need extensive intervention. I won't say it's impossible, because God is in control, but it's almost impossible. (I am hesistant to even write this because as we all know I do have a child.  There are others who haven't yet and I CANNOT imagine the heartache they must feel. ) I'll spare a lot of details, but I begged God for a child.  There were medical hold-ups and I never got to start fertility medicine.  The month I was supposed to have surgery, the Lord blessed us with a successful pregnancy.  I've always acknowledged that it was God who blessed us with Jack.  But today, my heart was reminded even more than ever.
Today, I went for my first blood drawing to begin treatment with the infertility clinic in hopes of conceiving our next child.  I told myself that I wasn't going to be emotional.  I've been here before...I know I've gotten pregnant before...etc.  When I went in, the nurse talked with me and spoke about how it had been a while (almost 3 years since I started my last treatment).  She looked at me and broke my tender heart again.  How does someone's words have so much power?  I want you to prepare yourself.  This isn't going to be easy.  It's going to be much harder this time.   Why?  Because I'm 3 years older?  No, you shouldn't have gotten pregnant last time.  You were very lucky.  No, I was blessed.  I want you to get yourself ready.  You just got lucky last time. No, God's will is his will, but it's going to be much harder this time and I need you to hold up. 
My heart instantly broke.  Am I sad that it will possibly take a long time for me to conceive? Yes, but that wasn't it.  She confirmed, again, for me everything I already knew.  Jack was sent to me straight from the Lord.  I know that I was blessed with him.  That's why I titled my blog, Brandee's Blessing. He isn't my only blessing, by any means, but it is the most powerful way that God has ever revealed himself to me.  I got so emotional, and still am, by the thoughts that I could have missed out on him.  I feel so blessed to know that the Lord heard and answered my prayer.  It brought this song to my heart,

"Great is Thy faithfulness," O God my Father,

There is no shadow of turning with Thee;

Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not

As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

"Great is Thy faithfulness!" "Great is Thy faithfulness!"

Morning by morning new mercies I see;

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—

"Great is Thy faithfulness," Lord, unto me!

I am reminded of God's faithfulness.  He has never failed me and never will.  If I am blessed to be a mother again...Praise be to God!  If not, Praise be to God for his faithfulness.